Change is in everything…seasons, the life span of a catepillar, the cheese that has sat too long in your fridge. Many people out there are completely scared of it, but actually, they are really scared of the unknowingness that change brings. When you have order to your life or structure to your day, there is a certain safety or security that goes along with that order & structure. Then comes the day that someone or something comes along and throws all that order into disarray and causes that well built structure to collapse. It’s called change and it’s something that I have experienced through my life, but in huge shifts over the last few months. First it started with our Dad getting diagnosed with cancer….that shifts alot of things into perspective….the little things that bothered me no longer did and if I found myself starting to get annoyed with someone or something, I took a breath and then moved on. Meanwhile, the doctors did everything ass backwards with our Dad’s diagnosis and have only recently done biopsies to correctly diagnose the cancer…he has one more coming up on January 5. Move forward into November and I met with my cardiologist who told me that I would probably need to get a pacemaker considering that I am highly sensitive to the medication that they tried to put me on for my heart condition. Move forward into December…..the hotel eliminated my position with the hiring of a new sales & revenue manager so I no longer had a salaried job as of January 4, I paid off all of my credit card debt, a very good friend & neighbour of mine died as the result of a heart attack in the dentists chair and I completed my certification to become a yoga teacher. So here we are, 5 days away from the end of 2009 with the possibility of more change before the end of the year:) There is a fear of the fact that for the first time in my adult life, I have no salaried position with rent and bills to pay…yikes! But with that comes this excitement…and the trust that all will be fine. There is a freedom that comes with this change..I get to set my own rules and that rocks. I get to write this chapter, and while I have had a modicum of responsibility in writing the previous chapters, this one is completely me. The question “What are you going to do” it continously thrown my way because we feel that we always must be doing something so when people ask “What do you do”? we can answer them. So to answer anyone who is reading this that is curious about what I am going to do, I will tell you. I am going to focus on me…I want to deepen my yoga practice and my teaching..I am going to spend time on the Island with my parents…I am going to perhaps visit some people that I haven’t seen in a while and visit places that I haven’t seen before. I am going to take walks, baths, naps…I am going to read books, articles, stories…I am going to cook, eat, entertain…I am going to drink more tea, eat healthier, listen to music & CD’s that heal. I am going to journal, write stories, a screenplay…walk barefoot, dance, sing, laugh uproariously, cry boisterously, live vivaciously…and it goes on. Just like the caterpillar…just when it thinks it’s life has come to an end, it becomes a butterfly. I have been in a safe, secure cocoon for a very long time….now is the time to spread my wings and fly! Wheeeee!
With Love, light, magic and laughter,