A letter to my Dad

Hi Dad! It’s me, Seanna. It’s been a while since I have written…the last time I wrote to you I was living in Scotland and it was by postcard.  Do you remember the night you walked me home from work when I lived in Edinburgh? I couldn’t find a cab and I was walking in the opposite direction of the bus and I called you and I wound up walking all the way back to the bedsit and you stayed on the phone with me the whole time. It was almost like you were there, but not quite.  I drive your car now; well, I guess it’s my car now.  His name is Jack.  He gets many compliments from people on the loud throaty rumble and what a great colour of blue he is. He seems to like the compliments.  The first day I drove to work, it’s like you were with me again, driving me to work, only you weren’t there.  I broke down in tears on the highway about 5 minutes away from work on my first day.  But you probably knew that.

I see you in so many places here and in people too.  Sometimes it’s how they walk, or their height,  and sometimes they just look similar to you.  That’s definitely more in the men that I see than the women :).  There are days that I miss you so very very much it hurts and would do anything for another hug from you; moments that I think you are going to pop up and say ‘just kidding’! but you don’t.  You visit me in my dreams and for that I am grateful. I think the last time you visited you had gone out for the night  and I got mad at you for staying out so late. Sorry. It was a dream 🙂 I still remember your voice and wish that there was a phone I could call just to hear it every  once in a while. I loved how you use to try and beat me to say ‘I love you’ before we ended the call. My favourite phone call to you was on Saturday, April 24, 2010.  It was 3 days before you died.  We talked about nothing and everything.  Jazz music and cars. You said that you would see me Tuesday.  You did and that was the day you died. Mom said she could see you reaching out…I think that Nana was there to greet you.  She loved
you so.  One of my favourite pictures of us is the one with you and Nana and me on the day of my Christening.  But you probably already knew that.

Mom had a bout in hospital a few weeks ago.  It was an adventure and it was scary for a for a few days there and it was really hard seeing her unwell.  She had heaps of visitors, and great nurses, and is on the mend again.  Trish is down here now, staying at the house, but you probably already knew that too.

You know what sucks the most about you being gone?  My new friends will never get to meet you. You aren’t here to give my future husband the ‘you’d better treat her good or get out of town’ talk.  You won’t walk me down the aisle when I get married.  You won’t hold my babies and I won’t get to introduce them to their grandfather. And you would have been such an awesome grandfather!  Something else you probably already knew too. There are alot of other things that suck, but those suck the most.

I like to think this new adventure you are on involves a large pirate-looking ship with huge sails and lots of ropes to climb and of course a crows nest.  There is probably a guy with a parrot, that is an ex-parrot, and a guy that runs around yelling, ‘Shiver me timbers’! and all those other great pirate sayings.  You would be sitting up near the prow of the boat, wind in your hair (or what is left of it :)) gazing towards the horizon, onto your next adventure.  On April 27, 2012, my friend Rose was driving me to work.  As we drove along Mount Douglas Parkway, I looked down towards the water and I saw a 5 mast sailing ship heading out to sea.  It had been 2 years to the day since you died.  When I saw that ship, I knew you were really okay.

I love you and I miss you.

Thank you for being my Dad.

Seanna xoxoxo

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One thought on “A letter to my Dad

  1. Seanna, this is such a beautiful and touching letter you wrote to your dad. I have the same wish, too that I wish we all could phone our loved ones who passed on once in a while…

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