Getting lost in Bali

Come to Bali and write your book. It catches your attention doesn’t it? Simple and precise. Or so you think. Before I touched down in Bali, before I had even booked my ticket, I had thought that was all it was going to be. Simple, specific, in and out. I had no idea that Bali was going to take me in her loving arms and then shake me up and totally turn the tidy life I had created upside down and make me question everything that had come before.

She embraces you and then slowly starts to crack you open allowing your light to shine even brighter than it had before you came here. She gets past all the head stuff and takes you straight to your heart.

I have been faced with the patterns of safety that I flee to everytime I get near anything that will push me past my comfort zone.

I see the stories that I have written over and over and over again that do not serve me.  I see how I haven’t validated myself in such a very long time. How I continue to think about others without including myself in any decisions that I make, even though I think I include myself.

2 days ago, I came to a decision to end something that has not served me in a really long time, and I said it out loud and it felt good! I felt some sadness because there will be an ending, yet I also feel exalted at what will open up for me.  2 days later, I am already torn by how others will feel because of this decision. The scared part of my brain is trying to negotiate with me and it’s reasoning is familiar and comfortable and risk free.That sounds like some late night informercial. ‘Buy this now, risk free, and continue to do the easy thing, the comfortable thing. You’ll be fine.’

The Universe doesn’t want us to live small, to take the easy way out. She wants us to live our passion, fully and beautifully and boisterous. Imagine a dinner in an Italian household when the whole family is there.  There is food and laughter and arguments and love and dishes clanking and it’s messy and beautiful. Observing quietly,there is a flow to it that you start to notice. It’s subtle at first, a wink across the table, a scrap fed to the dog hovering under the table waiting to catch any food that is dropped, a caress of an arm, a smile of pleasure at the first bite, a bark of laughter that carries over the din of conversation, and then you start to notice a recurring theme.  Love. It’s loud and messy and beautiful. And it’s what the Universe wants for us. To love ourselves loudly and messily and beautifully in each moment of our lives. We are deserving of this. I am deserving of this. I am worthy of this.

I’ve had many conversations with the Universe since I have been here. It’s like all the filters at home have completely disappeared and she is naked and beautiful and open and listening intently. Really intently.  Maybe Bali is the center of the Universe. Her magic is powerful here.

I am cracking open at a rate that scares me. Deeply. It’s painful.  It’s emotional, waking up to the realization that I have been living small, not taking the risks.

I am surrounded by incredibly supportive, loving and beautiful human beings. My #scribetribe. We all have stories to tell and together and we are all breaking free from our old patterns and stories in the most magnificent and beautiful way that I have ever been witness to.

I’m done with doing the easy thing.I’m done with being ‘fine’. I’m done with putting others before myself. I’m done with living small.

I want to take the risk, be stupendous, live with passion and love and messy Italian dinners and to stand in MY truth, do what’s best for me, and not care what others think.

Seanna: Universe, I’m scared to let go. But I’m so tired of holding on.

Universe: I know you are. And I promise that once you let go, that I have you. I always have you. Always. Just let go beautiful one, let go. You are going to soar…just let go.

 

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4 thoughts on “Getting lost in Bali

  1. Yeaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! This is so goooooood! I’m so proud of youuuuuuuu!!! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!! -auntie mame
    Eat hearty sister.

  2. you are a beautiful creature seanna….i support whatever you choose to do -not that you need it- but i hope it helps in your journey!
    love you lots!

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