Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was beautiful and bright and shiny and loving. And she thought everyone was like her that way. Her family moved to a new place and she started and a new school excited to have new friends! But the kids around her at her new school were mean, and bullying and called her names and told her no one wanted to be her friend and that she should just go home and die. And then she found out that being herself was wrong, and so she stopped being herself all the while wondering why it was so wrong.
It took her a really long time to be herself again and as she started to blossom back into her authentic, beautiful, loving self, she realized that people liked her for who she really was and that was something indeed.
In the past few days, that little girl who just wanted friends, just wanted to be liked, has been very present. I was hanging out with a friends dog, who at times, would growl and bare her teeth at me. I thought “doesn’t this dog know who I am?! I am Seanna, lover of animals and dogs especially! I am fun and open and loving and I love you…why don’t you love me?” Most of the time this beautiful dog was loving and peaceful and playful and cuddly and then the teeth would show and a low growl would begin and it was time out for doggie. It wasn’t personal, and I wasn’t doing anything to provoke her, and she had done it with other people, so that made me feel a bit better, but seriously, why don’t you like me?!?!?! (Even though I knew it wasn’t personal) It really bothered me and affected me more than I realized.
Earlier today, I was on a call with 3 amazing women and one of them began talking about sharing ourselves and our businesses in other groups in social media and I got really emotional! The conversation had triggered that same little girl who had just wanted to be liked and anytime she had put herself out there, had been shut down, told she was ugly, and that no one wanted her around. Triggers often bring things to the surface that we haven’t faced in a really long time or incidents that we thought we had healed but obviously had not.
And that’s where the healing began. One of the beautiful women on the call told me that there was something special about me, that if she walked into a room of people and saw me, that she would immediately come over to give me a hug and that she sensed others would do the same too, without even knowing me. Then I went for acupuncture and the magical, amazing acupuncturist, Aaron, brought up the incident with the dog and asked me why I thought it bothered me so much. I realized that the dog represented all those kids years and years and years ago that didn’t want to be my friend and through their words and behaviour, I took that to mean something was wrong with me when in fact I was perfect and complete and whole. Aaron then put the acupuncture needles in and added more healing to my day. I left feeling like sunshine.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. For me, it truly started on Bali, surrounded by my Bali sisters, and is ongoing. When I got home from Bali, my healing continued with a gorgeous Goddess named Sherrice and the beautiful women that she has brought together around the fire. It is in the pages of books written by others and journal pages written my me. It’s in this blog and others that I write. My healing is in me. Beautiful, bright, shiny, loving me.
Seanna: Hey Universe, in the moments that I forget…
The Universe: I will remind you that you are perfect and whole and enough.
With so much love,