Watch where you walk

Ubud doesn’t let you drift away into thought while you are walking down the street.  The sidewalk are sometimes a jumble of tree roots and broken tiles or huge gaps that you need to leap over or walk around, lest you wind up in the sewer below. There are offerings to the gods on the ground in front of shops that you need to step over as to not offend the shop keeper or the gods. There is also dog shit left lovingly, or carelessly, by the many Bali dogs that roam the streets.

I’m struggling with jet lag and looking for a place that ticks all the boxes for a longer stay, for the feeling that I made the right choice in coming back. It’s making itself scarce.  At any given moment, we make decisions and choices that affect our comfort zones, boundaries and mindsets about what we believed was possible.  The jumping off for me was relatively easy when deciding to come back to Bali. I have more cracking, more blooming, more growing and I knew intuitively that Bali was the place for me to do it. I haven’t even been here a week yet and that exhausting inner gremlin voice is questioning everything. It’s being loud and obnoxious and devious and tiresome. Oh so tiresome.

I am out of a comfort zone. I hauled myself halfway across the world, by myself, to immerse myself in a culture that focuses on being present when I’m use to thinking 3 or more steps ahead. I’m rushing through meals thinking I have to be somewhere, when I don’t. I’m hurrying along rice field pathways looking for a place rather than seeing what’s around me.  And it’s exhaustive.

The flow will come. I just need to stand in the middle of the river and allow the waters to rush around me while I find my grounding. I just need my roots to sink in a little bit deeper. And if I fall over while rooting myself, I’ll just stand back up.

Life is going to throw things at us that we won’t always catch. That’s okay. We’re not meant to catch every throw. We’re going to fall, we’re going to question every decision or choice we make and that little gremlin voice, that angry roommate in our heads, will be there, ready to judge and say ‘I told you so’ when things don’t go as planned.  Don’t listen to that voice (and it will get louder before it gets quieter). Get back up and listen to your heart. It will always move you forward.

Seanna

 

 

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You do know the way

I’ve often had dreams in which I am running or walking or driving…with my eyes closed. No matter what I do in the dream, my eyes stay shut.

Recently, Friday to be exact, I had another one of those dreams. Later that afternoon I was chatting with a friend over FB messenger and while we were chatting, I realized with sudden clarity what the dreams meant. This is what I wrote to her: ‘I took a nap this afternoon and during my nap I was dreaming that I was driving my mom somewhere, but my eyes were closed but I knew where I was going. I finally realized what it means. (I’ve had many dreams where my eyes are closed and as much as I try to open them I can’t) That I know the way. Deep inside, I know the way. I just need to let go, to surrender, of wanting to control or to see what is coming.’

It was such a powerful realization.

We know the way forward, all of us. We just need to start where we are, in the now.

The Universe: Seanna, you know the way. You always have. It’s inside of you.

Seanna: But I can’t see! How am I supposed to know the way if I can’t see?

The Universe: You trust your heart.

 

 

The path to growth

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to the pa-ath of growth? (sung to the tune of sesame street)

Ah, the path to growth! What is it and how do I get there? And once I am there, how do I truly know I am on it?

We as a species and I as an individual will always be moving towards growth, seeking it, finding it, growing from it. This is not the challenge. The challenge for me is not getting distracted by the shiny objects along the path and then staying put. Sometimes we can’t see what is in front of us and that can also cause us to hold back and not move into the unknown.

I get it. Putting yourself out there is daunting. We see examples every day of people being judged, made fun of, yelled at, being trolled for standing in their truth. And what the fuck is it with trolls? That’s a complete other blog…

At the end of the day is it even worth it to grow, to put ourselves out there into the unknown? I mean, come on! Comfort zones exist for a reason? Why push past them? What else is out there that I don’t already have in my shiny swamp? Can I get a hell yes?! Hell…no? What do you mean no? Look! I have a shiny…nope, back over here. Ignore the pathway out of here…it’s dark up there! You don’t want to go there…wait!!!

Back with me on the path to growth? Good. People have walked/sailed into the unknown for centuries. We are constantly curious. Yes, I know what they say about curiosity, but if you are reading this, you are not a cat. And if you are a cat and reading this, you need your own Netflix documentary. Digressing…

Walking this path takes focus and persistence and a great deal of trust that you are going the right way. You also need to know that growth is continuous. That once you reach one stage of growth in your life or business, there will be another one waiting…then another…then another. And each stage does not have to be momentous! It could be small in doing a social media post for your business once a week and then building up to 4 within a few weeks! Or it could be not hitting the snooze button and getting up and going for a walk or to the gym even though you are comfy and warm and it’s raining out.

The thing is, to get to any stage of growth, you must start on the path. You can ask for help as much as you want and do daily check ins with people to hold you accountable and write lists out and check them off, but start. Just start. You will figure out the rest as you go along.

You won’t grow by staying where you are. Well, perhaps you will grow moss, but I am fairly certain that’s not the look you are going for. There are other ways to find out which direction is north.

Holding my compass and walking forward,

Seanna